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Success is having the Lord with you
For the past couple of weeks, I definitely knew I was going down a sudden spiritual downfall. I asked myself, why? What are the factors? Why am I letting the devil wound me? What is making me so worldy and evil? I became upset, frantic, furious, and angered at myself. It is funny how your mind and perspective on things can completely differ or change when you put God aside. Once that happens, everything starts to revolve around you and yourself, you start becoming selfish and greedy, you only think about the best for yourself, and you start to worry and care about things that are not important.
So why did I go down on a spiritual downfall? I’ve been asking myself that for the past 3 weeks. I knew I limited God and He was upset with me, but I didn’t care to do anything about it. I just let it be.Everything, my focus, my mind, went on me. I became selfish, greedy, impatient, and fast to anger. On Friday, I came home and I knew I had to have a conversation with God. But how? I don’t want to pray. I didn’t feel like praying. Getting in all that praying atmosphere was just so annoying. Luckily, I remembered something that one of my good friend had told me recently. Talk to God, don’t pray. Sometimes, we really need to stop praying and instead, TALK with God. I went in my living room and I talked with God that day. I demanded God to reveal what my problem was. I urged Him to show me why I changed. Today, I realized that success has become my idol.
For a while, my desire, focus, and attention went on my school work. All the loads of work and cramming really destroyed me. Not only that, with the SAT’s, AP exams, and subject tests, I’ve been feeling stressed and worried that if I don’t do well, I will become a failure and be judged by others. I messed up so much this year. I lacked motivation. My grades aren’t as great as the past two years. I felt like I literally FAILED this year. I’ve been trying to do things with my own ability, limiting God from my doings. I realized that I need God in everything I do. I realized that I am trash w/o God. I realized nothing is possible w/o the strength like no other. In everything I do, God should be the main center and focus of my life… and I haven’t been doing that. =/ God broke me.
Today, Pastor Matt gave a sermon on Success. Long sermon short, one of the 3 potential signs that success might be an idol for you is
1. You can’t celebrate other people’s success.
2. You always compare yourselves with others.
3. You are never satisfied.
Sometimes, I just think I’m the biggest failure. When I am not able to accomplish something, I feel like crap. I feel like giving up. I feel like I’m not good at anything. For others, it’s not much of a big issue and I understand that. Everyone has their own sensitivity on a certain specific thing. When I don’t get what I want, I start hearing “voices” in my head calling me a failure. However, the sermon spoke to me and God reminded me that you don’t have to get 2400 on SATs.. You don’t need straight A’s.. You don’t have to have all these abilities in order to become successful in life. You are already a success in God’s eyes. What is better? God, the Lord Almighty’s opinion, or the world’s opinion?
As long as you do your best, then God will do the rest. He doesn’t care how far you went with your achievements. He looks at your heart and soul. We are nothing without God.
Overall, God is the center of the universe. The center of ALL things.
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um the first couple of lines, it’s angry* at myself because it’s parrallel sentence namsayinnn?
ps. love your blogs<3
that part just bothered me t-t
Comment by xkaypark May 11, 2010 @ 8:03 pm